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NAVIGATION
Date: February 27th, 2010
Topic: Car Sex With The Ex Girlfriend
This revenge video starts off with 21 year old Shelly blowing her ex in the car. She gives good head but her pussy is where the magic's at. By the looks of thing it's tight as hell. When the dude pulls out he blows like 10 loads all over her stomach and titties. Looks like a jizz bomb went off in there!
Date: January 25th, 2010
Topic: Blonde Ex Girlfriend
This blondie used to love riding her boyfriends cock and he loved to give it to her nice and hard. They even made a few sex tapes, but this isn't one of them. Why? Because he's not in the fucking thing, lmao. It's his best friend. Needless to say he dumped the blond slut, and is no longer on speaking terms with his former best friend. Can't say I blame him. Anyway, don't feel bad for the guy. He's moved on, and takes comfort in the fact that this tape will be floating around the internet forever more, muaha..
Date: January 12th, 2010
Topic: This is what you get for dumping my ass
Now the world gets to see you sucking my cock. And you best believe I sent this to my entire fucking mailing list, including your new bf, biatch! (Don't fuck with me ladies. I'm a very bitter individual.)
Date: September 8th, 2009
Topic: Ex Girlfriend Fuck Video
Boyfriend sent in this video of him and his ex girlfriends fucking. There is some good amateur sex on the bed and then a hot blowjob at the end.
Date: September 3rd, 2009
Topic: Raw GFs - Real Ex Gfs
Found yet another cool ex girlfriend site.. Raw GFs features homemade video of real former girlfriends having sex with their boyfriends.. There is some really good stuff here. In one of the videos a black dude is pounding his girlfriend so hard she starts slapping his back tryin' to get him to stop.. Funny shit
Date: August 13th, 2009
Topic: Real Ex Girlfriend Porn at See My Gf
If you're searching for real ex girlfriend porn then I suggest you check out see my gf - it's probably one of the biggest true amateur porn sites around right now. The members area is packed with amateur video and images of real girlfriends, most of which were submitted by pissed of ex boyfriends haha.. These see my gf pics should give you an idea of what to expect. That's it for now, later fuckers!
Date: July 29th, 2009
Topic: Big Tits Tokyo
I fucking love big asian boobs. There's something really hot about a stacked asian babe, especially when her tits are all natural. Big Tits Tokyo is a hot new asian site dedicated to busty asian babes. They got loads of hardcore videos featuring sexy big titted asian girls so if you are at all into the asian niche, you should check it out for sure!
Date: July 16th, 2009
Topic: Tale of The Dancing Bear
Is it just me or has porn become terribly boring. Same old pornsluts, same tired storylines. I think most of us are ready for something different, something a little more creative, right? Thankfully there are some unique sites starting to surface, such as the the Dancing Bear. No, it's not a gay site, although there are some male strippers involved.. The Dancing Bear is a dude dressed in a bear costume who turns up at bachelorette parties, birthday parties etc., and entertains the ladies.. He whips out his cock, and they fight over it. Some will even fuck him, and the majority of these women are not single, lol. I guess it's true that all women are sluts at heart. And apparently a lot of them have a thing for bears. So if you're curious to see what this crazy dancing bear porn site is all about, click here. If nothing else, you'll have a laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole thing.
Date: December 12th, 2007
Topic: Welcome To The Girlfriend Revenge Jungle! ;).
Due To Too Much Bandwidth We've Moved The Girlfriend Revenge
Click Here For All THe Revenge Pics And Videos!
Where have I been? Well let me tell you where I've been. I have been doing everything you could imagine, from climbing mountains, to riding bikes, to holding hands with a beautiful girl and frolicking down the ocean, all the stuff I couldn't do before I got herpes and was introduced to Valtrex. Valtrex has changed my life dramatically, before I slept with that 10 cent whore and came down with a little something the general public likes to call genital herpes, but I refer to as "The gift that keeps on giving", I was just another loser who didn't do much, but when you take Valtrex you can do anything you want. I haven't had time for a computer really, I have been doing all sorts of things I couldn't have done before I had puss filled pimples surrounding my scrotum area. What else is great is that I now have the ability to fuck up everyone’s life. My new favorite thing is to pop one of my little bumps and let the puss get on my hand and then go and shake someone’s hand in hopes that my herpes will spread faplating suicide, but luckily are introduced to Valtrex and it saves their life, and they always end with them climbing a mountain, because of course you can't climb a mountain without herpes. Sure a lot of you are thinking "Jesus Christ this sick bastard has herpes", but really you should be in envy of me. Herpes never goes away, unlike that slut girlfriend or boyfriend of yours. Herpes can become a great ally with an infected person. Boyfriend or Girlfriend going to leave you, well leave them with a special little present and when they call asking if you were the one that gave them herpes, laugh and say "booya". Also if you don't know what to get a family member or wife for Christmas, get them a nice solid case of herpes so they to can have a great life and experience things they never could have without herpes. Now what are you idiots waiting on, go find the dirtiest girl in your school or the scariest looking prostitute hit that shit raw and hope that you get herpes. When the test results do get back make sure and head on over to Top 100 E/N Sites because as the slogan says "Your first outbreak is on us", so let it be on them, then go and let it off and your girlfriend and your second outbreak will be all over your girlfriends stomach...A-W-E-S-O-M-E.
Date: June 18, 2003
Topic: Who doesn't like to drink piss?
I have come to the realization that English is no longer the main language in California. I haven't been out of state in awhile so I don't want to make any assumptions about the rest of our country. However in California, we no longer need to put thebeanersMexican-Americans in English Second Language classes anymore.
How are they going to learn English they ask? Simple they don't need to learn English. As statistics show 78.2 % of Californians are minorities. That's kinda odd because isn't 78.2% a majority figure? What I'm getting at here is that Wal-Mart has provided a lot of jobs for Mexicans... Wait that's not what I'm getting at, what I'm really trying to say is that Mexicans are taking over the planet. I'm not a racist but thesefucking wetbacksnice and hearty people need to learn English before they try to talk to me. Take for instance a phone call I received at work the other day:
Me: SOS Club this is Travis, How can I help you?
Latin Lucy: Do youa speaka espanisha
Me: No...
Latin Lucy: Oh I want borrow hall for a um a big um a party do youa have a place (please note to add mexican tone and numerous mispronunciations of words)
Me: Lady I'm a receptionist not a miracle worker, your going to need to SPEAKA THE FUCKING ENGLISH
Latin Lucy: Me gusto jugar balencesto en me vestido de verde enchilada
Me: I'm hanging up now Je-Sus
As shown above in Exhibit A-1, we have a disgruntled worker who sounds as white as they come, but yet still has to deal with an illegal immigrant who will never make more then 3.50 a day for work that if I was poor and had not had food in weeks would still not do. When someone asks you a question and you say "no", do you proceed to go on as if they didn't say no? If you do, you are probably Mexican. This lice infested, non-fuckable, rat eating, smelly, who... This nice lady who I wish I could take home to my parents, asked me "Do youa speaka espanisha?" I told her I didn't and she proceeds to talk to me in a language that makes less sense the 2 year-old babies when they are trying to communicate they need a nipple in their mouth. Then after I tell her she made no sense what-so-ever, she proceeds to talk to me in Spanish... Is it just me or are Mexicans extremely smart?
It is my belief that even though we have spoken English in this country for quite sometime, that we all need to learn Spanish so that when we encounter an illegal immigrant we can help them even though they came here knowing that we didn't speak their language. We need to convert our ways for them.
Why am I only picking on Mexicans? I'm not now what you need to do is go back through and when you see the word Mexican or a racial slur referring to Mexicans, replace it with Chinese and Chinkers, Indians and Sand-Niggers, and well if you haven't gotten the point now, you are once again probably one of the smelly races that are invading what was once only a country that had to deal with white trash and rednecks, now we have to deal with all sorts of shit. One of the main reasons I hate you is that you now have the white trash trying to pretend they are a different ethnicity, like that stupid white trash wannabe Mexican at the liquor store, I pity her I mean really who in the hell would want to be Mexican? Till next time, Keep Truckin, and promoting KKK rallies.
Date: June 10, 2003
Topic: GuestPost by Amir B.
It’s not that I don’t LIKE Mel Brooks, its just that I don’t think he’s funny, and I think his humor would be the only reason to like him. (Formerly “I don’t Like Mel Brooks”) By Amir Blumenfeld.
“That’s right, he’s just not that funny. What’s that? Yah, I actually have seen Blazing Saddles. Huh? Did I think it was funny when they broke the fourth wall at the end? No, no I didn’t. Did I see what? Young Frankenstein? No, I didn’t, but I wont like that either.”
Hi, I’m Amir Blumenfeld. I’m twenty years old and a self-prescribed comic genius. Too often have I had to utter the opening quotation to friends and family members (some of which unfortunately, are Brooks’s family members. Our parents are third cousins, yadda yadda yadda.) Hmmm… let me rephrase the title of this piece. It’s not that I don’t LIKE Mel Brooks, its just that I don’t think he’s funny, and I think his humor would be the only reason to like him.
I know what you guys are thinking, that I am a self-hating Jew. Which is one hundred percent correct. But let the record show that I had no idea Mel Brooks was Jewish until twenty minutes ago when it just hit me: Why would he make so many jokes about Hitler!? (Adolf Hitler was a N
It wouldn’t be fair for me to sit here, type, and criticize the man without giving you at least a couple reasons as to why he’s not funny. But frankly, I don’t have a couple reasons why, I only have one: The movie’s he writes, directs and stars in don’t make me laugh. Unless… did he do “Krippendorf’s Tribe”? Ahhahah that movie was fantastic! Oh no, that was Todd Holland. My Bad.
Whenever I display my ill-feelings towards Melvin or anything Brooks at social gatherings usually the movie “Spaceballs” pops up. For those of you who unaware, or don’t see movies much, a social gathering is basically a place or an event in which people of varying degrees of age, class, or gender come together to discuss varying topics. Now, onto the universally known movie “Spaceballs.” “Spaceballs” though the quotations around the title may fool you, is not actually a play. I just don’t know the MLA format for how to distinguish movies. “Spaceballs” is a good point and I will tell you guys what I think of it, after I see the movie. Because I’m a little backed up and I haven’t gotten around to it yet, but I hear its good.
Just in case you guys aren’t taking me seriously enough, I just wanted to let you know I am currently enrolled in a four year institution and my grade point average is VERY satisfactory. That being said, I have to go read a book, because I am intelligent, and Mel Brooks isn’t funny. Now if you will excuse me. (Amir has just gotten up from his computer, walked into a wall three times, and has hit the floor. The audience applauses.)
Everyone thank Amir by checking out The First Online Talent Show. Also be sure to check out
Seriously check out inthevip, I subscribed for a month and have enough porn to last me a lifetime. And it is great porn, with super hot chicks. So go signup and then beat your meat.
Date: June 3, 2003
Topic: Gave a bitch herpes in exchange for syphilis
The other night I turn the channel to ESPN and The National Spelling Bee is on. I'm sure you have all noticed that I am an excellent spelerr. However I don' think I would last at a spelling bee. Not only that, I would not want the rest of my life ruined because quite frankly the kids are LOSERS. For starters I'm guessing these kids spend their entire life reading a dictionary and haven't experienced the greater joys of life. By greater joys I'm talking about internet porn, stalking girls, and of course masturbating to the numerous visual images they should have stored in their heads.
If you haven't watched a spelling bee let me tell you a little something about them. Tubby, ugly, glasses wearing 12 year old steps up to a microphone and is given a word. The kid then proceeds to ask such questions as "Origin of Word" "Can you use it in a sentence" "Pronunciation" "Verb, Noun, or Adjective" and numerous other gay questions. Then they take a deep breath, roll their eyes and spell the word correctly. If they hear a little bell they have spelled the word correctly. When these kids who live their life for a spelling bee, hear the bell they let out a huge sigh and give a big smile, kind of like when her mom told her dad it was ok for him to not wear a condom then after he nuts inside her says "Oops I forgot my pills today".
It goes something like this.
Word Giver : Your word is URMOMISASLUT
Sally : Can you use it in a sentence?
Word Giver : Jose's Dad came home early from work and saw Jose's mommy with another man and told Jose URMOMISASLUT.
Sally : Can I have the origin please?
Word Giver : Your parents bedroom
Sally : Pronunciation Please
Word Giver : UR-MOM-IS-A-SLUT
Sally : Part of speech?
Word Giver : Adjective
Sally : URMOMISASLUT, y-o-r-m-o-m-s-l-u-t, URMOMISASLUT
*no bell*
Sally : No I hate myself my life is ruined; I'm going to slit my wrist. God noooooooooo.
It goes something like that, and if they do manage to get it right, they jump up and down and look like retards at the Special Olympics who just won a medal. If you ever see a kid in a spelling bee walk up and punch him/her in the face. It would be doing them a favor, statistics show that the majority of kids who participate in "The National Spelling Bee" or any other spelling bee for that matter, the males become homosexual prostitutes, and the females become 50 cent crackwhores with track marks down their arms. Better yet rape the girls, and throw down a dollar and say something along the lines of "CRACKWHORESLUT", and then tell her to spell it...SLIZZUT.
Date: May 27, 2003
Topic: Dude is her vagina supposed to smell??
There are two things I would like to address at the present time. Both of them have to deal with fat people but in different settings. I have no answers for why fat people do these things we will be discussing, but I notice they do them on regular basis. The thing that blows my mind with fat people is that they are oblivious to the fact that they are the equivalent of 200 Chinese people, or 3 or 4 Americans. I don't know how fat people could not notice they are fat, I mean when was the last time they tied there own shoes, or when was the last time they went to a McDonald’s and only got 2 big Mac’s?
Fat people for some odd reason believe in buying the smallest possible car to drive. I saw a fat guy today and he was walking towards a van and a little 2 door hatchback, I assumed his lard ass would be getting into the van, but noooooooooooo had to prove me wrong and squeeze his multiple stomachs and chin body into the hatchback. As he drove off I notice his stomach had engulfed half of the steering wheel. If you’re fat, get a mini van or some sort of car that you can fit you and your Twinkie eating fat kids into. I hate to be the one to break it to you but you and your family aren't going to look good in the Honda Civic Sport Hatchback edition. Not only that but I mean honestly if you weigh as much as your car physics will tell us that your car isn't going to go very fast.
The other thing has to do with fat black women. Now I have no problem with black women in general. In fact I would like to get my hands on a black chick and let her rock my world over and over and over... ok anyways yeah fat black women. If you’re going to see a movie and you see a black women whose fat is hanging over her seat and the 3 next to her...RUN.
Apparently fat black women love to laugh even though there bodies can not take there annoyingly loud laugh. I'm watching Bruce Almighty the other night and this fat chocolate chip is sitting right behind me, I swear to god every funny part in the movie and the few minutes following fatty was louder then the movie. It went something like this :
Funny part in movie
Black Lady: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA shit nigga that is funny shit AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahah.....GASP GASP GASP GASP GASP
I swear to god I the lady would laugh for 5 minutes and you could hear her start to suffocate due to lack of oxygen and of course she had to tell the whole theater how "That white boy is funny as shit, Dashiki would love this mo fuckin movie". However at the end of her barrage of laughter, was her gasping for air and when she got some air she inhaled it. You know how when you’re out of breath you suck wind and you can hear yourself doing it well think of that x50. I think some people even got the cell phones out to call 911 because no one thought Queen Latifah was going to make it out alive.
As you see I have a problem with fat people. I mean Jesus you guys buy small cars, laugh so loud and gasp for air so loud that I miss half of the movie. Please if you’re fat do the world a favor and work out... better yet, since I'm guessing you hardly make it out of the house unless it’s to an "All-You-Can-Eat Night" at your favorite restaurants, kill yourself. Yeah that's right get a gun and end your life, Jenny Craig would tell you the same thing. Words of advice get an elephant gun so you can be sure that the bullet will go through all your chins and hit your brain.
Date: May 21, 2003
Topic: I bagged it, tagged it and... "Dude thats my mom"
I have come across a problem and I am willing to bet that the majority (cocks) of you have come across the same problem... whether or not a certain girl you are drooling over is a slut, prostitute, goody-goody, or a transsexual. Problem solved I have gone to the end of the earth or actually I just watched Jenny Jones to come give you the bible of whether or not the chick you are staring at is going to put out.
There are a few types of sluts. Some hizzos require beer, some require that your mom and dad have a huge bank account, some require that you be the start sports player at your school, and then there is the slut who I'm betting she would claim "I was born a slut, I can't help it." To better associate you next time your in an area that contains female species, a description of each is necessary.
Beer Slut: The beer slut is pretty obvious and can be found quite easily. How might you ask? By whipping out your peni...by having beer virgin boy. If you are carrying around a 12 pack of beer she will come flocking. This is important, a beer slut will not ask she will just assume its okay and take a beer out of your 12 pack. Any other slut will ask first. A beer slut assumes you will be getting payment later when she is to drunk to realize that 4 guys have nutted in her within a 3 hours time span. Warning: Do not try and pick up on a beer slut before she is drunk or you will not be catching gonorrhea tonight.
Money Slut:The money slut will sleep with you as long as you qualify as a rich kid. You driving a 1987 Ford Thunderbird? If you are stop reading because this STD infested bitch won't have anything to do with you. Usually you can find them by the nice cars in the parking lot or the guys wearing clothing that cost more then you car is worth. This slut will only sleep with you under these conditions: Your mom and dad make over 200,000 a year, you drive something that is from at least 2000, and it has to be a SUV, pickup truck or some sort of car that you could not have purchased without your parents being filthy rich. If you’re a rich kid what does this mean? Mommies a whore, your mom falls under the category Status Slut, if Daddy didn't have money your mom would be out faster then a white kid in Harlem.
Star Slut : The star slut is usually a cheerleader and will sleep with the star of the sports team she is cheering for. If you are the shit at basketball, you can bet your left and right nut that the cheerleading squad wants to pull of a massive orgy with you. Trust me I know from experience. Anyways not much to say about them just that cheerleaders = sluts and sluts = free vagina.
I'm sure there are plenty of types of sluts; every girl is a slut on the inside. Hell if I was a girl I would most defiantly be a slut. Especially if I got a disease I would spread that shit around like the rumor that you and your sister made out. The quiet girl in class, you guessed she is a slut. The quiet ones are always the kinkiest remember that, and the ones that look like they haven’t been women for long…they haven’t run while you can. Also the girls that everyone thinks are sluts usually are big time teases who only have "penis in the vaginal sex" with their boyfriends, however they will cheat on these boyfriends and either make out with you or do something besides letting you "park your car in her garage." When approaching a believed slut, do what I do make reference to how you masturbate frequently, and then let nature take its course. If it fails well at least you can still masturbate.
So the next time your in public and you see a girl, try and use the descriptions above to make a fool proof way to get laid. However if you think she's a slut and you get bitch slapped like a black man who cussed at hi mama, don't come crying to me. If by chance my descriptions are right and you end up getting laid please e-mail me with details and exact words you said so I can put away this Johnson and Johnson lotion for good.
Date: May 16, 2003
Topic: Your so naughty.
Being that my How to Commit Suicide has worked wonders for people, I decided that I would make a How to be Gay in 5 Steps. First off we have to get the basics down. To have any chance at being a flaming homo you need to have been rejected by women on numerous occasions, have a small penis, have a really strong feminim side, or just enjoy putting things in places where things shouldn't go. If you didn't catch that last bit you have no chance at being gay, so please stop reading and refer to the post below. Now let's get started shall we.
Step 1: The first step in becoming a dick loving fa...fan, is too give up on getting laid by a real women. Don't even attempt to face rejection, just realize that your penis will never come in contact with a vagina, you are a fudge packer and you know it. If you start to have any feelings for women, go visit an athletic club and remember that you love the cock. Next up on your agenda, is to start shopping.
Step 2: This step shouldn't be to hard considering that most people can spot afaghomosexual a mile away. Remember when you thought you were straight and you saw that gay guy with the tight clothes? Exactly you need to dress like him. Visit GAP to find all the clothes that shout-out "I'm a homosexual and like things in my butt", such clothing items consist of: Anything ribbed and tight fitting will scream out I'm gay, leather, dress shirts or anything of you wouldn't find on a straight guy. If you see some quality clothing and you think "Damn girls would love this" it’s not good enough, you flamers only want the best when it comes to clothes. If you need assistance with this, find another guy in there or ask a guy working there for help because the odds are that they are just as gay if not gayer then you.
Step 3: This step is quite difficult and requires practice. You need to pick up a few gay talents. Analyzing movies from the 40's and 50's will set you aflame. You also need to cook, I'm not talking chicken noodle o's here, I'm talking 5 course meals from Spain. This is important if you ever plan to have hot gay sex. Another gay man will not look at you or even think about going near your ass if you can't cook. Another important talent is to be able to go into any room in a house or apartment and recommend some great tips to give it some life. Watch the TV show trading spaces for 3-5 weeks and you should have it down, if not well you have no shot at being gay. The last and most important talent is to be able to name every type of beverage served at Starbucks and what type of taste it has to it. If you can't rattle of such names as "Double Grande Latte, Mocha Twist Double Fudge Chocolate", then you are not gay.
Step 4: Sending off warning signals is just as important in becoming gay as it is in committing suicide. Your parents need to get the idea in there head that you might be gay before you break the news to them. Instead of watching football with dad, watch the Lifetime Network with mom. Bring lots of giggly, couldn't act straight if there life depended on it guys home with you to hang out with the family, and when they leave and a family member asks if they are gay you say "No, but who cares if they are", this will be a lie but a subtle hint that you are a cock munching fag. Also be sure to go shopping with tons of girls and bring them home and have them show "What cute outfits you picked out, you’re such a stylist". The last step clue to give to your family and friends is to spend tons of time working on you hair. It doesn't matter if you have a shaved head, you need to spend 30 minutes in the mirror fixing that hair and styling it. Speaking of mirrors be sure to spend a lot of time in front of one.
Step 5: Step 5 is quite simple find a male prostitute or just a gay whore, and sleep with them at your parents house. The trick is that you want your parents to catch you either finishing up or just getting started. During the moment could cause far more than emotional distress and that would ruin all the fun. When you parents catch you be sure to sit them down, and introduce them to Ricky your boyfriend. When they don't comprehend and ask "Hunny are you trying to tell us you’re gay", you say "Yeah, I have thought long and hard about it, but I am attracted to men", when your father proceeds to break down and cry be sure to hug him like the flaming queer you are. Eventually (if the movies Hollywood puts out are right) your parents will distance themselves from you and eventually disown you. This is what we want. Once they disown you, that is when you refer to the post below and commit suicide and in your note, claim that they caused it because they couldn't accept you for who you are. If they do not disown you and are fine with being gay, I am not and would like for you to kill yourself.
*Please note, if you are a female and are not obese you can be a lesbian, and I will support you all the way. Also if you are a lesbian or a female that is bi and once again not a tub of lard, feel free to send in you and your lesbian friend making out. Thanks to plyrtwenty for providing me with the gay facts needed to create this post. IM him and tell him thanks.
Date: May 10, 2003
Topic: Do the world a favor and get on with it...moron.
Want to become suicidal, but don't know how? Well your at the right place, in 10 easy steps we will teach you how to become suicidal and follow through with numerous different ways to end your life. Did your boyfriend/girlfriend just break up with you, parents getting a divorce, have no friends, just got an f, these are all perfect reasons to end your life and all the suffering such things bring. Who wants to go on living when you are 16 and your first love just cheated on you? Certainly not you, so without further ado let's get the gun loaded and ready.
Step 1: The first step to having a successful suicide attempt is to give off subtle signals that you are becoming suicidal. That way when you pull the trigger people feel more blame for having ignored your subtle hints and then you affect even more people then just yourself. This is key to ending your worthless, hard life. The first thing you need to due is become anti-social. Friends going to the movies and then some ice cream? Not you, you are going to sit at home in the dark and listen to Dashboard Confessionals, and when someone asks you what is wrong you will say "Nothing, I'm just tired", however when you say this it is key that you give off the "I'm fool of shit and want to kill myself look". After completing the task of evading friends and family, you need to go to the thrift store and purchase everything in black, along with black fishnet stockings. We all know that turning into a goth is the biggest giveaway that you are ready to end you life, and if it isn't someone needs to rewrite the suicide handbook and make it a rule.
Step 2: After giving off the subtle hints, it is time to confide in a friend or write letters and let your friends find them. When your friends address you and offer their help, make sure you deny it and again say "Nothing is wrong", be convincing this time, we don't want them to stop you from ending your life. When your parents become worried and start to pry into your personal life give them the guilt trip and then go upstairs, lock yourself in your room, and make subtle slits in your wrist but make sure they are not noticeable and will only be seen by your friends. If your parents see this your attempt at riding the world of a dipshi....depressed person with a meaningless life will be foiled. First 2 steps are easy enough, now comes the time to write your suicide note and pick your weapon of choice.Step 3: Make sure that you become such an outcast that people at school start to make fun of you. So when you finally end your life they feel the repercussions as well. Be sure a day or two before you do it that when someone blurts out "Hey fatty" you counter with "You know you could make someone kill them self with comments like that" and hope they say "Please kill yourself" if they say the latter it will be a great feeling you give them when they find out you did what they wanted. Also be sure to hit yourself or inflict some kind of pain when they call you names, so they think you are a freak. It is important that you create this loner image be sure to sell it.
Step 4: Writing the suicide note is the most important thing. This is the last words people will remember you by. Since this is crucial I will give you a template suicide note and you can feel in the blanks where you see fit.Dear insert name here
I can live with this sadness no longer. I needed to end the suffering before I affected others, it was the only way out of the pain. For insert your age years I have lived with this pain. Now it has come to a close and will no longer eat away at me.
Mom and Dad it is not your fault, you guys were great even though I didn't get that $40,000 pony when I was 7, it wasn't that or the time you were 10 minutes late to pick me up from insert best friend or boyfriends name. I love you guys and want you to know that it isn't your fault.
boyfriends/ girlfriend's name I love you, but how could you cheat on me with that stupid slut. After you told me we were going to get married. We had been going out 2 months and you just did that to me, but it isn't all because of you. I knew I couldn't make anyone happy or even myself. Remember me forever and don't forget the precious times we had together.
Mom and Dad please don't cry over me, and I am sorry my insert comment of how your body or guts will be found the last thing I wanted to due was hurt anyone. However there was no other choice.
insert partial poem or quote about life
your name here
Step 5:Copy that word for word and you will be sure to give your family members and loved ones the greatest gift of life. Now on to following through with your stup...suicide. I would suggest taking a gun to your temple or in the mouth it is the least painful and you will have a closed casket so no one has to see your "ugly ass" one last time. Also the walls will be stained with your blood which is the perfect everlasting memory to give to your parents. Be sure to have a picture of your parents and you near the scene of the suicide to add to the effect. If you find that to gruesome or do not have a handgun readily available, then I suggest hanging yourself when your parents leave and do it right in front of the front door, so when they get back from "ignoring the precious princess" they will see your body swaying side to side, this will make them feel even more responsible because they left you alone. We all know that you should never leave your kid alone at home. If you do not feel like doing this then swallow some kind of poison or pills or slit your wrist, however I highly recommend one of the first two options the others are not as gruesome and do not have as much lasting affect.
If you are considering committing suicide or you know someone who wants to, please let them read this so they can get through it and end their life. The easy way out is not to be a reasonable person and realize that shit happens and move on, but to kill yourself. Realize there are no other options and get on with the show. Also if you could record it and have the tape sent to me that would be awesome. If you have problems pulling the trigger remember Nike...Just do it. So what are you waiting for...CLICK CLICK BOOM.
nerd@nerdrevenge.com
Date: May 5, 2003
Topic: Dear God...Kill Me...Just Kiddin
What's up homo erotic friends, actually if you are a homo please leave...Ok good let’s get started. All weekend long I was barbecuing at work, the place where I was barbecuing at is right by the pool. Being by the pool all day, you see everyone who is out by the pool. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IF YOU’RE FAT DO NOT GO OUT BY THE POOL. I swear I think I threw up about 25 times, there was this family of round people that decided it was time for a tan, not in the privacy of their own home but out in public. It was quite possibly the worst thing they ever could have done. I actually think a skinny little white kid drowned due to the rippling effect of the cannon ball by the youngest of the fat family. Let me describe the "We Eat McDonald's 24/7" family, the dad by my assumption was just a raging alcoholic/Twinkie eater, the mom...she was a beached whale, the kids well the 2 kids took after their mom except for they had a different pigment of white.
Being that I am one for public safety and these tub-o-lards are violating public safety I have decided to make a few things clear for fat people all over the world. If you are bigger, same size, or just a little smaller then this picture then you don't belong out by a pool, you belong in a zoo and if you see stairs walk up them, they are your friend.Let me reiterate the focus here. If you are fat and the weather is nice or if you just feel like going swimming outside of your own home...DON"T, instead put down that Twinkie and go get on the treadmill or hell even venture up your stairs at home and see what is actually up there, we all know you have never seen upstairs obese beeeochs.
For the rest of you who feel like me and don't want to see a size 46 bikini sitting by the pool then I have come across something that can help us all out.Save that picture, blow it up, and post it at all local pools or make it a flyer and pass it out with a number they can call to lose weight, I have already created a 1-800 number if you want to use mine. The number is 1-800-Down-With-Fatty.
Date: April 29, 2003
Topic: I have a 2 inch penis.
Alright before I get into the heart and soul of this post, some business is needed. First off yes the site was down for awhile because Lameking got linked by fark, and the farkers saw my thong gallery and decided to come crash our little party. So for the time being, no more thong gallery till May 5th when I get more bandwidth. Next order of business is to make my e-penis even bigger by saying that I got 2 new fan signs from Susy
Also if you could make a quick trip to this site and laugh like I do when I go there. Ok enough with this crap.
Being that the site was down for awhile I decided I would take up going to the arcade and beating some ass in some classic games such as - MORTAL KOMBAT. I was off to a nice start, taking the kids quarters left and right (down at the local arcade we play for keeps) and had just finished up humiliating a wannabe who was frontin', when up steps this 12 year-old porker with broken glasses, freckles, and obvious homosexual tendencies. I hadn't lost yet but I knew something fishy was going on when all the kids rallied around tubby. Tubby picked Sub-Zero and I went with Lui Kang because I love when he does the little Chinese man leg kick thingy through the air. Anyways this kid and I battle the first game, but he ended up winning. There were a couple times I think he had some help from the blind kid but I couldn't quite catch him in the act.
As you can see he whooped my ass the second round, that is a fatality and he has no health gone. Pretty much he beat me like he beat's his meat at home to Lizzie McGuire. I wasn't so hurt about him beating me then I was that fucking Mortal Kombat decides to let you know you lost about 15,000 times. Ok so maybe it's 3 or 4 but really. The kid kicked my ass I know it let it go at that, but nooooooo Mortal Kombat has a sound file that says "You Lose" and then also has text appear that says "You Lose" and just when you think your done getting your pride stomped on it says "(insert gay player name here) Wins". I think the game creators created this to piss of the person who lost to really see if he can pull off some kick ass fatality. Well dumbass creators didn't know I am smarter then them.
I played fat ass again and he whooped my ass again of course but I let him because I wasn't after beating him, it was the game I wanted. Right before "You Lose" came up I pulled the plug on the game.
Now who lost bitch. Fatality that bitch ass, I proceeded to say Super fly Wins (that’s my real life Mortal Kombat name) and then I took my quarters back from fatty. Bitch ass arcade game better bring something better next time or "I win, You lose beeeoch" will be heard coming from the Arcade Palace for quite sometime.
Date: April 15, 2003
Topic: Sir, Why do you have a dildo in your bag?
So I've been out on the prowl, hooking up with random sluts with multiple diseases. Of course I have been wearing condoms, to protect from any little Travis' running around. However I am what Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliot likes to call a one-minute-man. I feel it is a solid minute; however the ladies beg to differ. After hearing the phrase “Is that it?” or “You’ve got to be kidding me” and walking around campus, and hearing jokes about the size of my genitalia and how "quick" I am in bed, I decided that I would do something about it.What you are seeing there is the cure to the one-minute-man syndrome that effects me and I'm sure a lot of others. That is the extended pleasure condom by Trojan. Let me tell you, that condom is magic. It should rank right up there with; lotion, visual images, and computers. This condom helped me reach times; I have never thought I would reach in years. Sound too good to be true? It is.
The condom I thought was the cure to all my sexual problems (except for my 2 inch penis), was this condom. However this condom made me produced buckets full of sweat. I had sweat dripping of my forehead right onto the drunken slut that I was sleeping with. Not only that but I got so tired that I felt like quitting before the Volcano exploded (if you catch my drift). Also in midst of switching positions, it seems that this condom makes your pepe go from boner to renob (boner spelt backwards) in 0.1 seconds. So you see you have to ask yourself this: Would I rather be known as a one-minute-man but still get mine or Would I like to be known as the sweaty, bonerless, long lasting man? Tell Missy to suck it, ladies don't worry it will be the best minute of your life.
Date: April 4, 2003
Topic: All you had to do was say earmuffs.
Recently I found myself watching Dr. Phil, I've never actually watched a complete episode, but I decided to sit down and watch one. The topic was young girls who dress to sexy, which I totally agree with, I mean now days you can't tell a 14 year old from an 18 year old, I know from experience... Yeah so anyways I was going to write about how big of whores 13 year olds are now. I went to look for a 13 year old whore to go along with the post and I remembered that I watched Dr. Phil's show on this and he should have some pictures on his website.Yeah that picture was taken off of Dr. Phil's website, after on the show he condemned websites like this one. Well way to go Dr. Phil make sure people know it's wrong to have a site like that but it's ok to put your little whore of a girlfriend on their.
Take a long hard look at that face America, pretty soon you will be associating his name with the likes of Paul Reuben’s (Pee-Wee Herman), Jeffery Jones (Ferris Buellers Day Off Principal), R.Kelly (Baby Music Maker), and your dad. I want to see Dr. Phil run a show after he's been charged with Child Porn:
Today on Dr. Phil: How to deal with being charged with child porn
Dr. Phil would then come out and proceed to tell everyone something that it is healthy and not a bad thing, and it keeps a marriage healthy if the mom or dad takes pictures of the son or daughter and sells them on ebay. So for all of you Dr. Phil fans or kids whose parents are Dr. Phil fans, tell them that he is con artist and likes to lurk in Elementary School bathrooms, especially the boys room. If you read this Dr. Phil, I know your kind, you’re not fooling me and your attempt at World Domination is over, that’s right step aside Rikki Lake is on next.
Seriously though has anyone actually ever watched a Dr. Phil show, my 7 year old nephew could tell me how to have a better sex life. At the end Dr. Phil and his wife walk off holding hands, what propaganda bullshit. You know he hasn't dusted that vagina in well over 10 years. Hell put a Doctor title in front of my name and I can give people the same shitty ass advice he does.
Dr. Travis: I understand you have herpes?
Girl: Yes, I contracted it from my ex-boyfriend...
Dr. Travis: Well since no other guy in his right mind is going to sleep with you because you have such a whorish disease, I suggest you either kill yourself on my show or go back with your boyfriend.
Girl: But I don't want him back, look what he did to me.
Dr. Travis: Well Ladies and Gentlemen, I know the solution then, please bring out the gun.
Girl: But I don't want to kill myself
Dr. Travis: Just Do It. Nike.
Tell me I wouldn't be considered the man with the answers to all of life's problems. Everyone would listen to me, because I would have title of Doctor and my own TV. show so I must have every answer to everything in life, even if I haven't experienced it first hand. With this kind of zombie like following I could rule the world.... Someone call my agent.
Date: March 28, 2003
Topic: Pubic Hair looking like sour cream dip
I have come to the conclusion that people who can't put together an entire English sentence should be thrown of a cliff in a short bus. But Travis that is so mean... Yes I know and there is a good reason for this. Let me tell you the story. I'm at a store (Wal-Mart, I only went there for a video game I swear) and I'm standing in line waiting to buy my game. When these 2 little Mexican kids, and their 2 teeth smiling whore of a mother get in line behind me. That was fine with me, I mean who am I to tell people who can get in line behind me and who can't. Anyways about 10 seconds after they get in line, I think the kids decided to play "Let's see who can hit the gringo the hardest", and they proceeded to beat the shit out of my leg and arms. I looked at the mom, and she just smiles her 2 tooth smile. The fat bitch who is running the check-out line just says "OMG those kids are so funny", which made me want to say "OMG your so fat, isn't that funny?"
Those are pictures of the two rat bastards outside of their home. I decided to follow their mother's 1978 Crown Royal 8 tone piece of shit home, to find out where the drive by would be next weekend. I mean seriously, am I the only one who thinks there is something wrong with this picture. I'm still pissed off that I didn't kick the kids in the head, then knock out the mom's other 2 teeth and then look over and smile. However next time they better recognize
If you live in a area where the majority of the population can't put an English sentence together, I suggest you get out now because I'm going to drop bows on em, for sho. Word to your mom's.
Date: March 20, 2003
Topic: Keep on Truckin'
My last post actually got a great response of naked pictures and what not. My inbox was flooded with naked boobs and the occasional transsexual, but I deleted those right away... However I got an original response from the girl of all your guy's dreams. Just take a look at the convo:
hyperdemonkitty: You want to do it?
tomuchnerdforyou: Do what?
hyperdemonkitty: You know what we talked about earlier...
tomuchnerdforyou: I don't know I've never had a girl give me something like that
hyperdemonkitty: What you've never had this given to you...
tomuchnerdforyou: Nope, I'm a virgin?
hyperdemonkitty: Well can I take your virginity?
tomuchnerdforyou: Will I get any viruses?
hyperdemonkitty: Nope I've only done it twice, I'm clean I've got a checker?
tomuchnerdforyou: Ok than lets do it!!!
I mean look at that goddess and tell me you wouldn’t want her to rape you. She needs to drop it like it’s hot and back that thing up on over here. Have you ever seen a black chick dance, they can work it, I get wood just from watching them back dat ass up. Every one of you knows that you would want Shaniqua to be on top of you and working those hips. I’m sure they talk dirty too:
I'm no longer a fan sign virgin, Sara took my virginity, but she didn't have any viruses because she uses Norton Anti-Virus version 6.6.
One last thing before I go, I want to bang a black chick.
Shaniqua: Oh yeah who’s is it nigga
Me I’m white…
Shaniqua: Oh you want to talk shit, (slaps me in the face) yeah you like that
Me: Please stop don’t hurt me
Shaniqua: Spank my ass nigga
Me: uhhhhhhh I’m spent
Shaniqua: That’s it? Fucking white boy, I told you I didn’t want no minute man
Yeah what a fantasy, I’d let her beat me like she beat her cousin Maurice. If you had a black girlfriend you would never have to worry about some guy wanting to beat your ass because she would be like “Yo you got beef wit my man, you betta back your shiznit up nigga for you get popped”.” If you do decide to hit one up remember this, “Black Chicks are like mopeds they are fun to ride just don’t let your friends catch you doing it.”
Date: March 14, 2003
Topic: I'm here for the gangbang...
Over here in Northern California, the weather has been great lately. I'm talking great as in shorts and t-shirt great. As in hot girls starting to break out the skimpies, and strut their whorish selves out for all the guys to gain new visual images, for special time. However with the good comes the bad, and I mean the really bad. At my school, Cal State Stanislaus, the average age is 24 or something around that figure. And the hot girl to ugly girl ratio is 1:10. Also the average weight for women I'd say is about 150. Now 150 might not seem that bad, but did I mention the average height is 5 foot? Anyways, it has been great lately, I take a daily stroll by the sorority booth area, and make sure and check out all of the 20 hot girls on this campus in their tube tops and what not.. Than I look straight down, because if you look up, you will have lost the great visual images of scantily clad sorority chicks hugging each other.
Today I made that mistake of looking up, (why I looked up is still unknown to me, it was God's hand), and saw the most horrific site ever. You might say "Travis I've seen some pretty horrific stuff in my life", but this is comparable to a 96 year old lady with a vibrator, showing you where your girlfriends g-spot is. When I looked up today, I saw the fattest chick ever wearing the least clothing ever.
That is the closest picture I could find to "IT". I call this thing I saw today "IT" because it is has to be a scientific impossibility for a girl that large to fit into clothing that small. I swear she had a tube top looking thing, and you could see at least 2 rolls, actually I'm not quite sure if they were even rolls, more of mounds. Her shorts were shorter, than my penis (that means extremely short), and she had hair coming out of every area imaginable (I recommend you don't try to imagine it).
After I stopped vomiting, I wondered to myself who in the hell would take it upon themselves to delete all my visual images? I know they are all gone because when I got home today, and tried to masturbate to the thongs and faces of old, all I could see were these mounds of fat, hair, and sweat protruding from "IT". So I went and asked her what possessed her to dress this way, here is the conversation between us :
Me : Excuse me, what posses you to dress like this?
It : Well like they say, “if you got it flaunt it”
Me : Yeah but you don’t got it, not only that but I’m sure you have wiped out the visual images of every guy that has seen you.
It : Your just jealous because you don’t got this
Me : I hope you don’t mean your non-existent body…
It : No I mean this next to you at night.
Me : Come home with me?
It : Sorry can’t, I gotta man
This could quite possibly be the worst day of my life, because I do not have any visual images left, except for this horrifying "IT". Her body really was non-existent, you couldn’t tell her chin from her boobs and her boobs from her stomach and well I’m sure you get the picture. All I can do now is hope that the female readers of this site (yes their is a few) will feel my pain and agony and send nude pictures of themselves to me... Just think ladies you would be saving a man's life.
The old wrinkly stuff can be found here
