Date:   January 6, 2003
Topic:   WOW


Well it is another year so that must mean only one thing I must beat my meat for a record 12,000 times this year last year I pulled off a sissy 600. How might I accomplish this task without getting bored, you ask? Well first off masturbating could never get boring and if you think it could than you my friend need a new technique.

Date:   December 30, 2002
Topic:   Dude, she is a dude


Hey kiddies it has been awhile hasn't it, I have been conducting scientific experiments on masturbation, and it has taken up a hefty chunk of my life (and semen). But anyways Joe my buddy decided he wanted to put a few cents in so here is what Joe has to say

I reallllly hate Sister, Sister. Everytime I flip to Disney, hoping to find something worthwhile to watch (ex. Boy Meets World) the faces of those godforsaken demon sisters contaminate my television screen. I've watched the show all of two times a couple years ago and I don't remember what it's like really but I cannot stand to even catch a glimpse of it. It's just so stupid and not funny. I cannot comprehend why it's still on the air. I used to enjoy the show Smart Guy, and then Sister, Sister started playing a lot and just looking at the boy in Smart Guy and knowing he's related to the fiendish twins made my stomach churn. It annoys me as much as fortune cookies, which is our next topic. Fortune cookies are pointless. Sometimes I get that hankerin' for Chinese food, I eat the lucious meal and when I'm finished, I see those cookies sitting there, wrapped in that ugly plastic, mocking me. I guess they don't taste bad, but they're shaped in such an annoying way that I'm almost too lazy to eat it. It has all these odd edges and curves that it does the exact opposite of satisfy me. So, you break it in half and there is that RETARDED PIECE OF PAPER AND THE CONTENT OF IT MAKES NO SENSE. Fortunes aren't real! They always say some positive bullshit on it. How many people do you think buy Chinese food, read their fortune that says something along the lines of "Your life is about to get better," and then they die the next day in a car accident? I think they should stop going through the trouble of producing these in their current form, bag the fortune idea, and make it like a regular cookie. Or, instead of the fortune paper inside, they could have some kind of cream filling! Except when the girls from Sister, Sister order Chinese food, they could fill the fortune cookies with poison instead of tasty cream filling and that would be one of the many problems in the universe solved.

I got a fortune cookie once that said you will have a 3 some with the bitches from sister sister, I tipped my waiter well...

Moving right on, there is something that I have been thinking about that is really starting to bug me. Have you ever been or you yourself clapped after a movie is over? Well if you have go to your local hardware store by a saw and saw off your hands, because clapping after a movie is worthless. The actors are not going to bow after, there not going to say thank you, they won't even hear your claps so do me the favor of not clapping unless its me and your girlfriend in the top row and its a sort of balls hitting ass clapping sound.

It appears as if new years eve is upon us and why not celebrate with providing you tons of porn links Numero 1   Numero 2   Numero 3 I know the majority of you will you those tonight since like me you have no life and have no plans for new years. My new years resolution you ask is to leave my house meet a girl and either sleep with her or come home and having a good visual image beat my meat.

Date:   December 20, 2002
Topic:   My pubes are longer than my pepe.

Yeah so if you read the title, I have a little problem every now and than, the problem is my pepe will shrink down to the size of nothing and my pubes will be longer than it. Since were on the topic of pepe's, a girl asked me are there different types of boner's that a guy gets. I pondered the question, and determined there were a few different types. They are in no particular order

pee boner - the pee boner is the one where you have to pee so bad, but you have to hold it and sooner or later you get a boner.

morning wood - morning would we are all familiar with, when you wake up in the morning and your already saulting the flag. This one really sucks if your mom wakes you up, and tells you, you have to get out of bed right now and doesn't leave till you get out of bed...

bad boner - This is the boner that hurts really bad when you get it, (not blue balls), you just get a huge wood and it hurts

mystic boner - This is the boner you get out of nowhere, you can be sitting in class, and all of a sudden bam you got wood, this is not curable and usually you have to tuck it under the jeans or shorts.
im out peace 1: i heard mystic boner is caused by some girl thinking about wanting u

If this is true my friends, call me Mr. Rogers

renob - This isn't a boner but rather a renob, this is when your penis shrinks to hardly anything after viewing people that look like this, this is usually followed by vomiting.

regular wood - usually caused by some sort of arrousal from a women, whether it be your mom or sister that is your problem, if you get this from guy to guy contact please leave my site now, go purchase a gun put it to your temple and pull the trigger.

50 % - This is where you can't decide whether you have wood or not, it is the in between stage, and usually to get rid of it you have to wank it which is great. For great wanking material go here.

shit wood - this is the one where you have to take a shit but you got a would so you can't because your would will not bend down so it makes it impossible to shit. Usually you have to look at a picture like this



After you view this picture you should shit just fine, followed by vomiting.

Date:   December 18, 2002
Topic:   umm...

Date:   December 16, 2002
Topic:   You'll shoot your eye out.

Being it the holiday season, I decided I would give you all a very special present. My present to you is a maturbation technique that will rock your socks. I'm sure most of you know what women do with the ol' banana but what can us guys do with a banana. We can do absolutely nothing with the banana but with the skin we can give ourselves hours of pleasure, or in my case a few seconds.

Well that is it for now, I've recieved some positive feedback from the cam portal, and even some of the people on there are good natured enough to A. not care and B. realize that it is a fucking joke. That's all I have to say about that. Got more hate mail? mail me

Date:   December 12, 2002
Topic:   Whose that girl

Alright, so I'm sure some of you are wondering, since I've gotten so many request what I look like. But that is a secret, however what is not a secret is who my girlfriend is. I have had many over the past few years but none compare to the love of my life, I guess you can kind of say we are like peanut and butter grape and jelly. But before I introduce the love of my life let me show you some pictures of my past girlfriends so you get and idea of my type.

  I'm sure some of you know that me and Britney dated for awhile, she was the love of my life, until Crossroads came out and I found out she had slept with Justin. We parted ways shortly thereafter

Shortly after me and Brit broke up I started dating Cam (that's short for Cameron) we had the best of both worlds, my charming good looks and her career. I accompanied her to all her openings and what not, as you can see in the picture I'm there but I was talking with Samuel L. Jackson about our golf match, (were still on right Sam), but me and cam broke up about 4 weeks ago do the how jealous she got when I was around other girls.

Screech was my high school sweetheart, you might have even seen me in a few episodes on Saved By the Bell, that is where we met, and had a secret gay affair. When word leaked out about us it ended his career and our relationship. I still <3 you Screechy Poo

Date:   December 10, 2002
Topic:   Suck My Left Nut

Just recently my left testicle has been hurting. I thought nothing of it at first, but as the pain progressed and moved into my lower abdamin I started to get a little worried. I called and made a appointment with the doctor, acutally I didn't call but my mom did, because there is something a little embrassing about telling a stranger over the phone my nut hurts. Between the time I made the appointment and the day of my appointment I was starting to get a little worried, so I decided I would check out what could be wrong with my testicle. First I looked up testicular cancer, and I had a lot of symptoms for that, so this made me a little worried. Being 18 and with one nut is not something that is going to attract the ladies. Anyways, my sister the nurse shot down any idea that I had testicular cancer, and instead countered with "it could be an STD" now I don't know about you guys but having an STD wouldn't be much fun so this freaked me out. I started to sift through the list of girls I have been with....
Ok so I started to sift through the list of people who might have disease that I could have gotten through some sort of sporting activity. The big day finally came, and I go into my special room, and of course the doc tells me to drop em, so I let em hang. He starts playing with my left nut and comes up with the conclusion that some sac around my testicle which holds sperm is inflamed due to a build up. Well being the quick thinker that I am, I realized that I just needed to relief some tension, and I thought of a great way to do this. I asked the doc if he could send in one of his nurses to get me off, for medical purposes of course. MY DOCTOR DECLINED!!! Can you believe that, I mean what is the world coming to when a man can't get jerked off by a nurse for medical purposes. So in light of this little event I have written my governor, and you can view the email here, and I'm also asking that every last one of you email your govenor or George W. and rant and rave about how medical insurance and coverage is horrible nowadays, and request they fix it.

Your governors email address can be found here or click here for the President. Till next time my friends...